Struck by Cancer

It was a Friday morning. The aches were mild but nagged through the day. It had been like this for a couple of weeks and I had scheduled a colonoscopy with a gastroenterologist when basic medicines with my GP failed to cure it.

I lay on the bed, the colonoscopy tube running into my guts. As it made its way through the large intestine, I could see my insides on the screen.  The doctor’s reaction in the next moment told me more than he intended to say – “no, no, no” he sighed, as I caught sight of a large obstruction.

When it was all over, I asked the doctor, what might it be. He said it could be just a benign growth, or tuberculosis or cancer. He would like to wait until the biopsy results came – which would take 48 hours. He also suggested that I quickly undergo a battery of tests, the same day while we waited for the biopsy.

So far, no one knew about this except the doctor and I. My first task was to break the news to my wife. When I got home, all I told her then was that the doctor feels I need some more tests. She could tell it was more than that. I didn’t want to speculate and even the doctor was not committing to what it was. But I had seen enough on the screen to suspect the worst.

The rest of the day was spent in tests and scans. The results came in – enough to say that there was a pretty large tumor in my colon. Still – nothing on what it was.

48 agonizing hours passed. The wait was worse the than the fear of what I might be suffering from. It was a Sunday – so no results yet. However, we spent this time in planning and organizing – we knew that either way, this would be a long haul. I pulled up all my health insurance documents, other financials, bills – figuring out what financial reserves I could draw on and how quickly. You save for a rainy day – and it was about to pour!

Monday morning came and went. Monday evening came and went. Nothing! And then I got a call from the doctor asking me if I had seen his email. I hadn’t – and he asked me to meet him right away. He would wait, even though it was late.

As I rode the elevator – I quickly checked my email. All I remember is the the word “adenocarcinoma”. The doctor patiently explained to me that I had cancer. His role would end here – and I would have to see an oncologist to know what next. All he said was that I should act quickly. He promised to connect me with a good consultant he knew and with words of support let me off.

My next task was to tell my wife. I feel she knew instinctively, so when I told her, we were matter of fact and planning next steps. The emotions would sweep in soon – the mind had just not absorbed it enough yet.

I spent the next hour talking to a couple of friends who had some experience with the disease in their family – and I got an appointment with an oncosurgeon for the very next day. We also sought out other oncologists and oncosurgeons for second and third opinions.

The next couple of days went in meeting doctors, more tests and evaluating my options. It was clear: a surgery would be needed, where a part of my colon would be removed in a procedure called as hemicolectomy. They would  cut away the offending tumor from my body along with its chosen place of residence.

However, tests also showed that I may need follow-up chemotherapy to ensure that my body was properly “cleaned up”. But that would be for later.

I had informed the family members and by end of the week, I was admitted to the hospital. In exactly a week, my world had completely changed. All major planing was put on pause. From now on, it was step-by-step: only thinking about and working on the next thing to complete. Surgery – Recovery – More reviews – Chemotherapy.

My greatest support came from my wife. She reorganized her work so that my situation would take priority. She stands by me like a rock, and I have never had to even worry about how I would get through this phase of my life.

I also learnt another great lesson during these few days – that gratitude is a great solace. So many friends, family members and co-workers came out in support, that all my worries were set aside and replaced by sheer joy. The joy of having all these people standing by you. People helped in the most unexpected ways, without even my asking them to. No more prayers were needed. No need to ask God for favors – for I had already been blessed.

Going through all of this, I learnt several important, and practical lessons. And this is the reason I share my story with you – should you or a dear one ever have the disease or anything as complicated, know that you can fight it. Its not to be feared – but battled with courage and strength. And you will find that strength comes from within you and from your family. Keep them close.

I was told by doctors that this type of cancer does not “normally” hit people of my age (40s) – and that it usually turns up much later. But while doing my research, I also learnt that that’s not quite right. Because of the notion that it would not normally strike a person in 40s – the possibility is ignored and leads to misdiagnosis….until it could be too late. In my case it wasn’t  – and that was only because I had a colonoscopy – which again, people my age would tend not to have.

In fact, some other tests which could indicate cancer had seemingly average values, so on their own, one would not have expected me to have it. All of this shows three things:

1. When your body undergoes something out of the ordinary over an extended period of time (in my case it was a mild but nagging tummy ache, unexplained weight loss and fall in blood hemoglobin over the last 3-4 months) get yourself checked – both by a general physician as well as specialist.
2. My gastroenterologist suggested a battery of tests – except for the biopsy and the PET Scan, the other tests did not indicate the nature of the disease on their own, but together they were pointers.  Don’t ignore tests. Do what the doctor says.
3. We (especially in India) tend to suspect nexus between doctors/pharmacists/diagnostic centers Be that as it may, you don’t want a potentially life threatening situation because you hate it that all the above make so much money from us! All said, there is economic cause for  each of them to be trying to make money – we cannot ignore it and wouldn’t want to be taken for a ride. But from my experience, I firmly believe that they are also out to do their jobs of treating us, and if we let them do it right, they would get on with it. If they ask for an extra test – don’t use Google (or the second/third-hand experiences of vocal but unqualified extended family members) to determine if you need it – get it done. It may just save your life.

Financial Impact

As Indians, we are grow up learning to save for a rainy day. That’s a big deal. For me it was. But more importantly, I learnt that when I had to suddenly (and under emotionally fraught circumstances) plan contingencies, it took me time and effort to figure out what was where. Eventually, I did, but had I kept all my financial information, investments, debts, etc in order and tracked (say once every 6 months at least), things would have been a lot more stress-free.

Also – having medical insurance helped. The premium I used to pay seemed like a lot considering that I had not made a claim over the last 8-9 years! But when I needed it, it was a boon!

However, when we made our claims, I also learnt the effect of “fine print” – exclusions, co-pay, room charges, etc etc. When you buy insurance – just as they advertise – read the fine print carefully – it would save all the stress later when you actually need to make use of it.

Work

My extended absence cannot impact my business. Juggling between managing a business and another startup meant that I would have to rally my team and having support from the other senior executives was important. It seems to be working out for now.

It also impacted my wife’s practice and she had to make quick changes to accommodate my surgery, follow up sessions and now the ongoing treatment. This can be source of great stress and must be thought through and managed well. It important to set aside emotions for a while, prioritize what is important, take your team or clients or employer into confidence. Most people understand and will work with you if you deal with it in the proper manner. Some wont – and you’d just have it suck it up.

Emotions Run Deep

Emotions can play havoc with decision making in such times. Aside from dealing with my own emotions, I also had to deal with the family – right from breaking the news to my wife and our families and close friends. Putting on a brave front (fake it till you make it I say!) helped – and it gives courage to the family. Once that chain gets going, it becomes infectious and you get that courage back for real. Karma!

Another important part was to explain this to my 11 year old. Here I was worrying about when the conversation about the birds and the bees would turn up, when all that got set aside and explaining cancer became priority. It was important that we break the news ourselves rather than coming through the grapevine and overheard conversations. And so I did – over a one-on-one walk on a quiet evening. I explained that I had cancer, about the surgery, chemotherapy and some things should be expected – like lot of hospital visits, lot of visitors repeatedly talking about cancer, chemo, side effects and even death etc.In hindsight, it was a good thing I did that myself. It was a light hearted conversation and I could instill the confidence that ultimately, it would be all right.We would be all right.

I did, and still have to, deal with all sorts of advice, especially from extended family members and far off ones – some very useful personal experiences, some bordering on the insane. I have learnt to filter the useful bits without offending anyone. I also realize that, without exception, they all mean well, and it is important to respect that.

The “Why Me?” Question

This is an obvious one and I tried to find an answer. I am a teetotaler, non-smoker,  don’t eat out that much, there seems to be no genetic reason, nothing! So…what, God? Planetary Alignment? Past sins? Karma? Who knows! I have stopped worrying about the question now. There is no answer. Our body always has these cancer cells and constantly fights them. For some Darwinian reason, this one time, mine failed.

As a friend pointed out, these outlook changing events are given to us for a purpose. Time to find that purpose. Time to move on.

Quiet Disappearances

Another reality, however disheartening, is that people tend to disappear. I will wrote about how people rallied around me. However, there are also those who quietly slipped away after proclamations of being available to help “any time any day”. Some would go sooner, some later. I treat that as separating the wheat from the chaff. Spring cleaning. Anyway, learning to ignore it and not feeling hurt is also key. I understand that everyone needs to ultimately get on their own lives and everyone has their own problem to deal with.

Looking Ahead

I do not know what more I will have to deal with over the next few months. The offending tumor is out, but it did enough to warrant chemotherapy.  But I know that I will handle it. And thats what matters.

All said, the gratitude I feel for all the support, family, friends and the help I received from the doctors and some of the most dedicated nursing staff I have seen, has been most liberating. It has released me from fear, doubts and anxiety and replaced all those with a positive energy. It has given me hope. And hope changes everything. Hope is a powerful thing; it gives the will to go on.

I do have my “down” days, moments of doubt and anxiety and all of that. But I am learning to make them go away quickly.

There is a lot of knowledge and information I have gathered about the disease, its treatment and  dealing with everything that goes with it. Should any of you wish for any advice, information or support, please reach out. I was helped by so many, and I will be honored to pay it forward.